Why I Marched & Will Continue To March!

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The March On Washington, was something that was made out to be “Hate” towards #45. Believe me when I tell you when my two feet hit the pavement, it was for racism. There were a lot of people that took part, and for several different reasons. ie: Abortion, same sex marriage, transgender rights, insurance benefits, equality, immigration and so much more, I don’t agree with all that went on during the marches, but because YOU did not march does not mean you have a right to tell anyone that did participate, that they need to be shipped to another country, because we’re ungrateful. Honey let me tell ya…. I am grateful, that’s why I marched. Lexington, Kentucky is where I marched, and it was peaceful and it blessed my heart, to see all that walked side by side, some hand in hand. I will not be apart of anything that is associated with violence. If it’s hate, I will not participate.

So many  people claim Christianity, yet they are the first to throw the stone, and condemn their brothers and sisters to hell. that’s what setting us back a hundred years. The attitude we carry when people are not doing things “OUR” way. I marched and I will continue to march.

I march for the young men that was unarmed and killed…  Keith Scott, Terence Crutcher, Micheal Brown, Trayvon Martin, Tamer Rice, Eric Garner, Walter Scott and Freddie Gray. Let’s not forget all the sisters that have met, their demise at the hands of police. Gynnya McMillen, 16 year old from Louisville, Ky, Darnesha Harris 16, Tarnisha Anderson-Mental illness, Miriam Carey-Postpartum Psychosis, Shelly Frey- Shop lifter shot my off duty deputy, and Sandra Bland-Driving while being black in Texas for a job interview!  I walk for those that no longer have a voice, along with those that need a louder voice. I walk for myself, that I may have the rights that were given to me, by the military, men and women, My ancestors, and other civil rights activist.

The Reason I March is very close to me everyday, My 15 year old black son, 17 & 14 year old daughters and my husband! I’m scared that even though my husband and I have raised wonderful, educated members of society (still have a ways to go) But they may not be able to enjoy the fruits of their labors. So, I say as real as I can… Unless you have walked a mile in my shoes and see what I, as a black woman, mother, and wife have been through… Don’t you ever tell me I’m marching for all the wrong reasons,and that #45 is the reason for my anger. I march because racism is alive and well. Just because you’ve never seen it, or have been a victim of it, does not mean it doesn’t happen.

IT WAS THE DAY OF THE ELECTION…

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This morning as I stood in line at the library to vote, I literally felt nauseated. I thought I was going to have to ask my doctor for a Xanax for awhile. Then I thought about what I will be able to accomplish after I vote.

I will probably have nails again, and my stomach won’t be all jacked up like it is now! Okay, I lied…(I sound like politicians don’t I?)  It really depends on who gets the worlds most important job. Although I think mother’s have the most important jobs there is, also full-time single dads, along with those grandparents that are raising their grandchildren. (Holla if you hear me!) My worst fear as a parent, is making sure that I’m not raising the next asshole. Mom’s if no one else gets this please tell me you do. ( I got a little bit off track, hope you stay with me.)

I said THAT, to say THIS….

Sometimes you think you are raising the next president, or the next  best thing, coming and going… then some turn on you, they think women and also God owes them something, that they are making things better for a certain race.They even think they can grab your cat! (please tell me you know about the “cat”) Oh, ummmm.. I’m so sorry, I got all caught up in my feeling and started mixing the asshole kids up with a certain politician. I’m not telling the politicians name… *cough* I’m with her * cough*.

To tell you a little bit more about my “mental health issues” My hair is falling, thinning out. I think its due to the stress that this election has brought me. The lies an allegations  spewed. Another thing, I don’t need nor want to be clumped all together with the Blacks, Whites, Asians, and Hispanics. In other words I’m saying DO NOT STEREOTYPE ME! Yes I’m black (love it), Proud of my ethnicity, I love everyone (even the ones I want to punch in the throat sometimes.) However; I can tell you I don’t live in poverty, I’m not a member of a gang, I go to work everyday, so that I can support my family along with my husband and I have received a good education. Hell I’m still learning more everyday!!   I don’t stereotype a person/group of people, because of their skin tone.

I just want to let you all to know what’s going on in my head… It’s not pretty people.  Please get out and vote. I don’t care who you vote for, (I’m with her!)   As long as you get out and vote!

Sincerely yours,

April Nichols-Baker, I approve this message

I’M NOT YOUR FRIEND… YET

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When I look back to when I was growing up, I remember my mom always saying “I’m not your friend.” Every time I would ask to go somewhere or do something, I didn’t understand her answer to the questions I would  ask. I really thought she was losing it… until now.

A light went off in my head. ‘It was the way in which I asked her. ‘I’m going to Christie’s’  I can see that’s not a question now that I’m a mother. Back then it did not matter because that’s a child/young adults pattern of thinking. Our brains not wired the correct way until the parent breaks it all the way down or either… Hell! we still don’t get it until we become parents ourselves. You see, the way my childhood was set up you better not look at mom sideways, and if you have something to say, you better take that into another room and curse underneath your breath. Even then I swear she heard what was in my head.

I’m probably going to offend a lot of parents here. I’m not sorry. Maybe this blog post will help you get a better understanding of parenting your child, and not let your child parent you.

HOME TRAINING:

I hope you all know what this is. If not, here’s my childhood raising 101. If you are a parent behind closed doors. ie: make them do their homework, correct them when they are back talking, getting ‘crunk’ with you. Or as my mom used to ask us when we back-talked. “Are you feeling yourself?” That question came up when we rolled our eyes, stomped away, slammed a door. “You better not be slamming my door” or “I’ll knock your eyes out the sockets.” Does this seem familiar to anyone?  Another parent should not have to correct your kid when out in public. Sometimes, if you see them beginning to act a donkey in public, give them that look! Every mother has ‘that look’ It’s up to them to find it. In other words… Take care of business at home and your child will not embarrass you, outside the home.  My favorite to date!

I’M NOT YOUR FRIEND:

I use this a lot. I’m not saying I have unruly kids, because if I did I would probably be on CNN, MSNBC and your local news channel. I do not do well with disrespect. That’s just not how my life was set up, and It will NOT be how I allow my kids to act. I’ll play around with you, listen to whatever it is that you want me to listen to. (As long as it’s not that rap, Rap now days destroys the mind, body, and soul. Some of  rap today that is!) I don’t allow my kids to curse at me. They don’t get to tell me what I’M going to do and not do, and they don’t get to slap me, punch me, kick me… Let’s just put it this way they don’t get to abuse me AT ALL! (The groundhog will be their mailman. (Thanks TrueLove for sharing that with me growing up.She was a staple in our community growing up. What I would like to call what we lack today… A Village Member!) I will give you respect, but you have to show me respect also. It’s all or nothing in my house. You will do what I ask you to do, or I will TELL you to do it. Don’t make me have to HELP you! I promise you will NOT like it. I believe in Punishments with NO SET TIME LIMIT. ie: Time-out. The only time out that you will hear me say is when I’m about to correct you or come after you. I know I parent differently than some people. That’s what makes me the Mother I am today. I’ve not been to jail, and I don’t want to visit my child behind a bullet proof piece of plastic. I want to be able to hug my child when I want, and also hit them up against the side of their head when they need it. I’m not afraid to say I’m sounding and looking like my mother more and more every day.

 

YET…

One day I will be my kid’s friend. But today is not that day. When they are out of my house and they have a place of their own, paying their own bills. I will then be your friend. I will come over and ‘hang-out’ go shopping with you, continue to listen to you. I am still the mom. I am always in charge. I know I will have to bite my tongue sometimes because they have to figure things out on their own. I hope by then I have raised them to be wonderful, independent young adults. If not… I’ve done my best. I’ve stayed my course and now it’s time to try. They are going to make mistakes, they are going to need a little help from time to time and they are going to also need tough love! Make sure when you reach your ‘YET’ you have given them the best example of what a parent does vs what a friend does.  Happy Parenting.

I’m still waiting on my ‘YET’ until them I’m the BOSS!!!

 

Marriage 18.5 (Let me upgrade ya!)

Social Media will also create the facade, that Marriage is all roses petals being thrown at your feet, and there’s no such thing as a fight! ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD LADIES AND GENTS.

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Photo by http://www.mthreestudio.com

Disclaimer: This is my thoughts and takes on marriage. If you don’t like anyone telling you or correcting you about what you think marriage is supposed to be… Then you may want to hit the back arrow button NOW! 

So ladies, and possibly some Gents! This title should really say it all, but I’m sure I need to explain it to some. I’ve been married for 18.5 years and I’m here to upgrade your mind, body, soul and “thoughts” on marriage. At least from my point of view.  

Marriage is hard work and not good for the faint at heart. It’s like almost like a job. You have to put something in, to get something out of it. You cannot go into a marriage thinking about the fairy-tale’s we all grew up watching on Disney. Don’t get me wrong, you will have some fairytale like days, but not everyday will be like that. I’ll like to make a couple of points if I may.

Arguments:There will be days when you will argue. You will say some things that you may or may not regret. That’s okay! You need to talk about. Tell your spouse why you felt the need to say it or yeah that you really did want to say it to hurt him/her because you feel like he hurt you! I know what you’re saying April, 2 wrongs don’t make a right. Well in my defense, I have felt the need to hurt the person back. I’m not saying it’s right for you, but it was right for me at the time. I’m just keeping this 100% I know a lot of women/men that have meant to ‘throw a punch below the belt’, I was one of them. Sorry, I’m not sorry. p.s. Keep this out of the eye/ear range of the children. Not the disagreements, because they need to know that you don’t always agree, but the constant bickering and fighting, Shit… I even get tired of hearing it. Keep that shit at a minimal.

 

Social Media: If used incorrectly can be the root of all evil. Sometimes there are these whoremongers, females/males that are aware you are married, hem’d up, (is this how this is spelled?) talking, dating, or engaged (whatever they are calling it these days, that just don’t seem to give a damn.  I don’t know if it’s like when you see food on your man’s plate, and it looks like it takes better than the dish you ordered, but they just have to partake in something that doesn’t belong to them. You have to correct this situation as soon as it starts. I don’t know if you’re the type of person that would: A) Pretend you did not see it or AKA Deny it,(because that shit is just petty. Girl you know you saw that!  B) Walk away and say she can have him. (this only works if you’re dating and or engaged. It gets a little complicated for us married ladies and the kids. But It’s do-able.)  Or C) Fight for your man.(There’s marriage counseling, Date nights, you can talk it out. Hell, Fight him too if you have to. (I do not do this. it’s just a suggestion! haha) You have to decide if your marriage is something you want to fight for. Did you just get married because all of your friends are getting married?  Social Media will also create the facade, that Marriage is all roses petals being thrown at your feet, and  there’s no such thing as a fight! ALL THAT GLITTERS IS NOT GOLD LADIES AND GENTS. Those pictures were taking during a happy time, those videos were made when they out have that Date. That’s good. But a lot of people don’t put all the bad times, on Facebook. Well, some do. Do you Boo Boo… DO YOU!

 

WRONG PERSON: Just because we “look good” together, does not mean we are “good” together. Our   friends, or those we call friends. Are sometimes Haters! They tell us something looks good because they want us to fail because they want to play captain save a ho or player. In other words, not all people are pulling for your marriage to work. They’re sitting in the corner waiting for it to fail, so they can get a chance. Sometimes the marriage just don’t work, and you need to be the bigger person, call a spade a spade. It’s not worth having a jacked up feeling all the time. If you    no longer are IN LOVE with that person, and you have tried everything to make the  marriage work, and he/she is not putting in any effort. It’s time to pack it in. NO use living in misery.  

 In my case, of being married for almost 19 years and having three kids… My husband probably needs to build a new room or something in the backyard, or get one of those sheds that people are putting in their back yards and use it as a guest house. It’s too much out there for me to start trying to date again. (Ain’t nobody got time for that) LOL!  But seriously Marriage is not easy, there are a going to be a lot of ups and downs and you are going to have to decide if you want it all or part of it. If you are leaning towards wanting part of it, you need to keep dating and stay engaged for the rest of your life. Marriage takes grown people, that want to do grown things. One piece of the puzzle that makes my marriage crazy, lovable, wanting to jump off the roof sometimes, I hate you, I love you kinda of marriage… Is because God is the center of this marriage… and Craziness is part of our family. We were both crazy when we met, started dating, and it continues into our married years and counting… 

*refer back to the disclaimer, if you don’t understand my sarcasm and sense of humor. 

I Am The Mother Of A 13 Year Old Black Male.

My heart bleeds openly for everyone to see, because I’m the mother of a 13 year old black male, that is becoming extinct. I come from a small town here in Kentucky, and know every one I pass on the street, that I’ve walked around with blinders on, hindering myself from seeing the reality of what’s around me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying racism is no wheres to be found… believe me it’s still alive and kicking. Thanks to Social Media, and all it allows me to see.

It breaks my heart to see a lot of the people I grew up with, hung out with, and spent the night with, when growing up, share some posts that give me a glimpse of how they truly feel, about the way they view the life of someone who does not share their same color of skin.  Again, don’t get me wrong, every one is entitled to their own opinion and I respect that. I also respect being able to ‘unfriend’ you, and not be asked in text and inbox, a question starting with the word… WHY!

Please don’t follow me around when I’m shopping in a store, or come up to me like I’m a monster, because I raise my child differently then yours. My son will not yell at me, fight me, or cuss me out. He will be raised to be a respectable, law-abiding citizen as well as an educated black man. I will not let sports be his only way to college and drugs be his down fall. I will be there, lifting him and praying for him, every step of the way. As a mother of an 13 year old black male, it scares me to let him out of my sight, let alone go around the block to hang out with his friends. I constantly call his phone, text him, and when he doesn’t  answer, I’ll call one of his friends. I’m scared all the time, I’m going to get a call that something has happened to my son… this is no way to live. When he asks me if he can spend the night over a friend’s house, I ask him if they can ask their parents to stay at mine. There will be 10-15 boys in my house at one time, and I’m okay with it. I know that MY child is home, and I don’t have to worry about where he’s at. I make sure there are LOTS of activities that they can get into, food to eat, and movies to watch. I realize that my son has a lot of non black friends, and I love them just like they are my own, and all of them come from wonderful homes. One thing I feel I need to share is…I fear for their lives also. Will they pay the price for being with a black kid? In the same breath, I wonder if they will be the ones that will save my son’s life, just because they are white?  Does that make sense to you?

I’m scared for him to get his license. I’m scared for him to drive alone, but also scared for him to drive with someone in the car with him. As the mother of a 13 year old black male, I stay confused. I talk to my husband and make out plans of what we will do when it’s time for him to drive. I tell his sister’s, that I’m worried about them also. Don’t think you’re less than him. I love you all the same. But right now babies, they’re killing our young (black) men and I need to make sure his surrounding are safe. I have to make a plan to educate him on the do’s and Dont’s of this terrible hate filled land. As a parent, Of a teenager I should only be telling him, improve your grades, take out the trash, stop teasing and fighting your sisters and go take a bath. Instead I educate him on staying alive.

Son, I want you to do what the officer tells you. Don’t ask him no questions, Don’t let him get into your mind, getting you all riled up and angry. Son, please don’t resist, don’t curse, and don’t act like you going to reach for anything. If he ask you for paperwork, tell him where it is, or let him know your reaching to get it. If he seems as if he getting ready to arrest you, let him. Don’t give him a reason to cause a fight. On the way to the police department don’t talk, don’t stare, please keep your head hung in prayer. Make sure you know my number by heart, when it’s time to get your call. My promise to you is that I’ll be there in a flash, that’s something you never need to doubt. I pray there are witnesses to all that has occurred, If not, just the sound of your voice will calm my broken heart.  I would rather hear you telling me to come get you, instead of a cop, knocking at my door letting me know you’re…. Never mind I don’t ever want it to come to that. Just make sure you follow all the rules and remember Momma’s got your back. None of our kids are safe. Not black, white, Asian, or any other race. As long as we have COPS out there with a God Complex, everyone is doomed.

There are cops out there, whose agenda is to kill. It’s a high, a reward, a notch on their belt. They’re a gang that we’ve all have come to fear, due to the fact, it’s legal for them to be armed. We were counting on you to show our kids the way to be a good citizen, protect them and cause them no arm. Instead when we see you coming, I go in the opposite direction, pulling my car where there is light and filled with people, so that there’s always a witness. I grew up around cops… Never had a reason to fear any of them. Times have changed and agendas have changed. It’s no longer to protect and to serve for some… it’s a game about how many can we kill before someone stops them.  Makes one wonder if we have let them go to far? It’s time we take a stand, and end this once and for all. I say this out of anger, love, hope and strength.

Signed, The Mother Of A 13 Year Old Black Male

Welcome

I’m a writer, well at least that is what I call myself. I have loved writing since I was in middle school. I have written a lot of short stories and of course at the age I started writing, none of them was suitable for viewing. Not even for me to show my mom. I have always loved romance. The one thing that I loved more was reading the endings first, to make sure it was a Happy Ending.  I’m a sucker for that!  I have published my first book. Exposed Secrets.  Now, I am in the middle of book 2. I would like for all of you to go on this journey with me through my writing career.  The thing I want everyone to know is I don’t need fame to be able to write, I do it because it makes me happy. If a little fame shows it head, I will grab up my surf board and ride the waves.

 

I Love reviewing books. So if anyone wants their books reviewed just send me an email. I will post all the information about how to get your books to me. I will post on here, FB, Goodreads, barnes&noble and Amazon.  I am just getting my page started. I have my blogger account that has a lot of my reviews on it already. I LOVE BOOKS! READING and WRITING!!!!  Love meeting new Authors and my KENTUCKY AUTHORS as well.   WELCOME TO MY PAGE.

 

April Nichols Baker.